Ah innocence, I’m so glad you are gone

I’m a terrible sick person. I bitch and whine constantly when I’m sick. I have an awesome pain tolerance but a scratchy throat and stuffy nose turns me into the biggest bitch ever. Blah, throw in a messy house, Christmas decorations and a funeral I have to attend and I pretty much just want someone to knock me the hell out until I’m better. Luckily, I only seem to get a cold once or twice a year. But I have one right now and if I make it through it without committing a crime or having a nervous breakdown it will be a miracle. I see people all the time go about their lives while sick and I can’t comprehend it. My life stops when I am sick, I have no choice. There is no pushing through it when you pass out every time you stand up. I do have a mild heart condition and it was explained to me that stress and illness hit me considerably harder than your average person. That’s why I try to stay fit, unfortunately that’s also tricky, because too much physical exertion taxes my heart and makes me get sick. So combine too much exercise, stress, and allergens this week and I was a neon sign screaming “GERMS WELCOME!”.  Seriously though fuck being sick.

Anyway I found some of my work from my first attempt at a novel. It was only the first three pages, the rest of it was accidentally destroyed years ago (I was devastated). I wrote it when I was seventeen. The first paragraph didn’t suck… the rest did. It’s amazing how much I’ve changed in eleven years. I thought I was so badass and experienced. Looking at my writing it was plain to see how little I knew about everything. My innocence is not something I miss, but it’s amusing to remember.

Typewriters in Heaven?

I’ve been sucked into the world of quizzes on facebook. It’s such an amusing way to pass/waste time. I love reading the results of friends and finding out my own, no matter how silly they sound. My favorite ones to take are ones like “what mythical creature would you be?” or “what is your super power?” I probably put more thought into my answers than most people, taking time to study each question and determine what I would actually choose. One recurring question is “If you could choose one super-human ability what would it be?” After much deliberation I decided I would choose immortality. To see the ages pass and the world change for both good and bad would be incredible. Imagine the friends you would make, the love you would share and the knowledge you could obtain and pass on.

I already know I won’t ever accomplish all the things I want to learn and do in this lifetime, there are far too many. Of course who is to say I didn’t do some of them in past lives, if there is such a thing… I like to think there is. To me nothing is sexier than knowledge, but keeping my looks over hundreds of years would be a bonus as well. Oh, the stories I could write!

That being said I’m not afraid of death, at all. I’m afraid of dying too soon but whenever my time comes I hope I handle it gracefully. I have many people and pets I would love to see again on the other side and hopefully God knows me well enough that there will be a writing desk waiting for me in Heaven. I’m pretty sure my passion to write won’t cease even in death.