After I write this post I plan to start a new novel. Even though it’s a hectic time of year I need to get out of my own head a while and live within my characters. I need a different reality even if only for a few hours a day. I feel like a total Grinch at the moment and hopefully getting lost in something new will help.
I was so excited about Christmas, for the first time in years honestly. We have enough money to buy some presents without worrying about how to pay our bills and I was ahead enough in things around the house to send out cards, make homemade gifts and decorate. Then mom got sick with a flare of Lyme’s disease that she battles a few times per year. For those of you that aren’t familiar with chronic Lyme, it can make cancer look quick and kind. It slowly destroys you one system at a time. I could do an entire post on the nightmares of the disease but anyway it’s bad and she’s sick and every time she goes through a flare I’m terrified I’ll lose her. Then I see people posting about buying and selling puppies for Christmas and my heart breaks knowing how many thousands of loving dogs are in shelters desperate for homes that will die this week because people want puppies. Over half of those same puppies will share the same fate next year because they will be “too much work”. I feel like giving up. But I won’t I ‘ll smile and look for the good things in my day and count my blessings because I am truly blessed. And I’ll work on writing something to lift my heart and make others smile. When I ‘m in a good place it’s easy for me to write dark things and when I’m in darkness I write to draw in the light. I guess that’s how I find my balance.
Lillith Elaine 